posted by shalini on Dec 28
This is a question that can send even the sanest of people in to a bit of a tizzy. In the olden days cavemen took their date to a cave smack in the middle of nowhere and cleanliness was not debatable. But today a date has to be properly planned and executed if you want to take the relationship out of its nest so to speak. There are a lot of do’s while planning a date but there are a lot of don’t also.
The one you must never do is take your date to your folks. This is a clear indication that you are a mama’s boy and that just might signal the end before it even began. A sleazy joint just around the corner or out back will not help your cause either. It might scare her enough to take a chance with the burly truck driver and hitch hike her way home than stick with the likes of you.
Your first date should be simple, easy to carry out and not intimidating to the other person. The idea is to get to know her not give her food for thought and that too junk food like the above mentioned places. A coffee date is a nice idea or then a lunch. This way if you find you are getting along well then you have the rest of the day to continue the date or then if things are not quite what you wanted then you have an escape route already in place without embarrassing either party.
If you sense some chemistry or a connection of some sort then you could try going to an amusement park or a theme park for your first date. These are fun places and you get so busy just having fun that the first date pressures get left behind and you open up to the other person. A museum is another good place to visit as it can be quite a conversation opener and doing something that the lady in question like to do will help you get to know here and take the relationship forward too.
posted by shalini on Dec 19
It only sounds difficult but it’s not so difficult to meet women and take them out on a date and even take them home to meet your folks. One option is the singles bars and clubs that dot the town or cities. But here , a word of caution, you may not be able to tell the good girls from the bad so be careful and if possible avoid these places.
Women you at work are good as colleagues but here would be very few who you can date. If the date does not turn out okay then you could find working together an awkward situation. A better option is to ask your friends to introduce you to their women friends whom you have not met. They may have cousins or sisters whom you could meet but try and stay out of the blond date scene. In most cases the date does not work out and you end up spending a whole lot of money.
Your club or the social organization you belong to may be a good place to meet women. Here you share a common ground already so conversation is not a problem. You will have seen them interact with others so you have a fair idea of how they conduct themselves and you can get to a know a lot by their body language, their friends circle etc. if you are not part of any group right now then first join something where the interest are well matched with yours. You will find clubs from astrology to zoology so find your first.
Did you know that Sunday church is a good place to meet new women. If there are no single women in the church you go to then find one where there are a lot of single women and join that for some time. A church has enough going on for you to get to know her before you ask her out on a date.
Civic organizations are another good place to start. Women really like men who are civic minded. Or then you could try political campaigns if you are politically inclined. An online dating service is not a bad place to start either. Here you get profiles and chat with potential dates before you actually meet them. When you do find someone please ensure that you meet in the day hours and someplace very public.
posted by shalini on Dec 16
If you are still looking for Ms Perfect then by now you must be really tired of waiting and you may even wonder if Ms Perfect who is perfect for you even exist. The point is the Ms Perfect belongs to the silver screen and in your imagination. In reality there is no such thing as Ms Perfect. So now you know why your Ms Perfect has not put in an appearance to date. It’s because she lives only in your mind and your imagination not in real life. Dating with your eyes closed is not a good idea and if you are going to waste time looking for someone who’s in your head then you will make no headway in the dating arena.
Don’t get so involved in your hunt for the perfect one or in dating that you lose sight of the qualities you should be looking for. If you look for things that make the person perfect for you then you will find someone.
It’s good to be confident about what you want but if you feel that no woman can give you what you want then you need to re write your list. First see what you do want then look for someone who will fit the bill the closest. You could be looking for specific qualities or attributes then you may have some attributes where you feel you could accommodate a difference or even a lack of it for some other quality. These are all the things to think about and keep in mind.
It’s an old adage which says that nobody is perfect. Everybody has faults. Some have big faults others have huge faults and yet others have tiny faults with larger than life impact on others around them. Then there are faults you can ignore or just overlook and then there are some faults that simply won’t do even if they belong to Ms beautiful on planet earth itself.
You cannot control any persons thoughts so even if you try your hardest to impress sometimes it may not work. A better option is to pay more attention to your desires and needs and then see how much of those would be fulfilled if you date the woman you are thinking of dating. That might give you more of a chance to find someone close to. That might give you more of a chance to find someone close Ms Perfect or Ms Perfect but perfect only for you.
posted by shalini on Nov 23
As with women, even men can face a problem if they are asked as to what they are looking for in women. If you are one of those who cannot answer this question then don’t fret, finding the right one for you is not as tricky as you may envision it to be. What you need to do is start by keeping an open mind. You may have grown up with some idea of how women should be but now you have to put aside those ideas and ignore what your friends tell you because they too may have a lot of preconceived ideas. Don’t go by the ads on TV. You need to understand what makes people compatible with each other. Here two lovers will not work, but two individual people.
While trying to get an idea as to what exactly you are looking for in a woman you need to first look at the woman as a complete person and not just the physical features. There are traits that you need to look for and they follow a specific order of personality, interests, ambition and finally looks. So you may well ask, why this particular order.
The reason is that if you look at looks first then you will not be able to have an objective outlook about the other traits. Men have a tendency to be stimulated by physical looks very easily and then they forget that what can be seen may not mean that that’s what they’ll get.
But if you take personality and other traits into account first then you may find that the looks are not as important after all. A woman may have a good personality, like the same things you do like football and ice hockey, be ambitious about her career in say, human resources, but her physical appearance is just average. If you learn all these other far more pleasing traits about her then her looks should not be the deterring factor.
posted by shalini on Nov 22
Confidence is of the utmost importance if you are considering seducing or dating a woman. A lot of women feel that a man who is confident also has the ability to be successful. Men believe that women look for successful men because they earn a lot of money but this is a wrong impression that men have of women in general.
The popular opinion is that women look for men who are successful because they feel that the man is likely to be satisfied with his life. The reasoning behind this is that women feel that a man who is doing well in life will be far more stable than one who is struggling to settle down. Stable men are less likely to look for a particular someone to satisfy them. This also indicates that the man is stable enough that he will not cheat, go job hopping or do things that would put him in compromising circumstances. Let’s not forget that the women are looking for a man as a long term partner and not just as a lover.
They want a partner not just in the bedroom, but also in the financial aspects of living, in decision making for various things and of course for the companionship that the men provide. If you make a woman feel that you are equals then seducing a woman will be much easier for you.
There are two types of people when you talk about confidence. There are those who have it and flaunt it and there are those who don’t have it. But those who don’t have it do have the ability to gain self confidence and the motivation to be self confidence although this ability remains untapped for some reason.
Be happy and confident about the person you are. All women are not on the look out for brain surgeons or MDs of companies or even CEOs. All they want is a confident man, capable of taking care of them, confident of what he wants from life and has lots to offer in the relationship.
posted by shalini on Oct 28
You’re not too sure about the other person. You’re attracted but really don’t know what you would have in common or even whether you think it will progress. And you most certainly don’t want to spend three hours over a dinner date to find out.
Well, here’s an option. Go jogging together. Then have a coffee and rolls or breakfast date in the morning. For one thing, you get your exercise. For another, you don’t have to talk while you’re jogging – and you could always carry your iPod along so you can observe the other person without making conversation.
Once the jog is done, you’re both tired and then you can figure out whether you want a quick cup of coffee or you would like to meander over a pancake and waffle breakfast or maybe even carry it to your place or his. Make sure the date is on a weekend or holiday when you’re free. However, don’t tell the other person that. If you feel you want to cut it short, you could always use the excuse of having to drive down to your parents for the noon meal.
If things go well, there’s nothing like having a whole, long lazy holiday ahead of you to do just what you like.
posted by shalini on Oct 22
Sometimes, nothing seems to work. Time was when you could have got a date even at the eleventh hour but now you just can’t seem to find anyone. Maybe you’re not looking in the right places? Maybe you’re just waiting for a date to drop into your lap from nowhere? Well, if you want a date – not just any date but someone you’d like to spend time with, go to the kind of places where you’ll find them. You really need to get off your butt and go looking.
If you like music, browse around in the music stores and make a casual comment about a group or a singer to someone who looks eligible. Don’t come on strong – let the conversation just progress casually. If it gets better, suggest coffee or a burger so you can carry on talking about whatever it is you are both interested in. Don’t push it – people usually look askance at strangers who come on too strong.
Birthday parties, wedding receptions, get togethers are other places where you could meet that special someone. Here again, take it slow and let it grow.
Of course, today, there’s always online dating but you never really know what you’re going to come up with. And there really are a lot of crazy people around, so do be careful before you reveal too much of yourself. If you do want to meet, suggest someplace far away from where you stay and do not give away your cell phone number or your address before you are sure about the other person.
You could always join a class – music appreciation, dance, aerobics, painting – whatever you like. You could also join some neighborhood activity groups – like the environmental group round the corner or the yoga group or a religious group. However, if you just sit back and wait for a date to fall from up above, that really is hoping for a bit too much. So go for it – and somewhere, you’ll find someone with whom you’ll have that wonderful date and maybe more.
posted by shalini on Oct 18
That’s what you need to keep telling yourself before that date. And that’s the awfully hard part. Everything the other person says or does could just dredge up memories – and that’s really not a good thing, you know. Sometimes they are happy memories and that could bring on the nostalgia. Sometimes they are bad memories and you find yourself getting irritable. Sometimes of course they are sad thoughts that come up – and you’re so busy hurting, you forget the new person across from you.
The trick is to kind of psyche yourself before the date. Keep telling yourself that this is a new person, never mind what in them reminds you of old flames. When you are looking at each other over your coffee or a drink, just push those unwanted thoughts of comparisons out of your mind. You need to be ruthless about this or you will end up chasing every potential future partner away.
If you are ready and willing to mingle again, it means you have to be ready and willing to let go of the past. No, just cut those ties that bind you, however tightly they have been tied. This is something only you can do. And you know what? This is something that’s going to determine whether you can look forward to great relationships in the future or not. Very often, that starts with a simple date. So start getting a bit self-centered and tell yourself once or a hundred times – however much it takes – that it’s your life on the line and it’s up to you to make it or break it. Put the past behind you and smile as you go out to meet your date. Make up your mind in advance that you are going to enjoy yourself. Just your attitude could make all the difference.
posted by shalini on Oct 16
It’s hard not to, but it really is the best way you can enjoy a date. When you build up this whole big idea in your mind of how it’s going to be, you usually end up feeling disappointed and even cheated. So whether it’s your first date or your fifth, put the brakes on those dreams and how you want or expect things to be, and start just accepting the way they are.
Let’s face it – no-one is perfect, no, not even you – never mind if you think that. No date is perfect too. Imagine how boring life would be if things were so cloyingly sweet and perfect….yawwwwwwwwn! So go to that date making up your mind that you’re going to have a good time and that you’re going to see that the other person does too. Acceptance is really a wonderful attitude. Try it and see how much fun you have. For one thing, you stop pretending and be yourself. That’s because you accept yourself too. Then, you start not trying too hard. And most of all, you let things take their course and don’t push things along in the direction you want them to be going. In the process, you relax, you laugh, you make the other person relax too…and what’s really great is that you stop expecting, start accepting and you enjoy the NOW. It really is the best way to set the mood for a date. Then you go with the flow and who knows….lots could happen! The best dates are the ones when you manage to achieve a degree of comfort between the two. Don’t look at where this date is going to take you. Grab the moment and make sure you get the best out of it. The secret ingredients really are…the ability to relax and to accept.
posted by shalini on Oct 16
That’s really all there is to a first date. And this really doesn’t matter if you’re the guy or the girl. When it comes to a first date, niceness definitely works in your favor. Naughty can be safely tucked away and saved for later…more about that in advice to come.
The trouble is, it’s ever so difficult just to go up to someone you’re dying to be with and just ask. Maybe it gets easier after you’ve had a few girlfriends or boyfriends as the case may be….but there’s still that element of wondering whether or not the answer’s going to be a No or worse still…shudder, shudder…whether it’s going to be a raised brow or a curling lip.
Well, faint heart never won a fair lady or that hunk of a guy so the first thing you have to do is to shut off all those ‘what on earth is he or she going to think’ thoughts. Just go up and ask.
That said, let’s qualify that a bit. You just have to be nice about it. It’s really very difficult for anyone to be sarcastic or snooty in the face of niceness. It really is a great leveler! Ask nicely, ask casually, ask with a smile (now that thaws the iciest of hearts!) Very important – remember being nice also means being on an even keel – so no groveling, no begging. And of course no chip-on-your-shoulder smart alec comments either. It’s the best way to put a person off.
So that really is Lesson One….Ask nicely. And even if the one you want to date says No, you can be sure it will be said nicely as well.